Too Much Caffine...

Sorry this is so cheesy...Basically, I tried to explain how Alice could go from being so against ever using drugs again to overdosing and dying in three weeks. Peer pressure from the 'good' kids seemed the most logical to me, becauce ultimately I think teenagers just want to be a part of the group and can convince themselves of almost anything to accept and be accepted by that group.


September 25

The past week at school has been pretty okay. My old friends pretty much ignore me, which is better than tormenting me and making fun of me and calling me a square and a snitch and all of that. I just try to ignore them right back. I know that I never want to go back to that life and when I think of all the pain I caused my family, not to mention myself, I could just die. I'm so lucky to have their support still, but a part of me is so scared still that something bad is going to happen to my life, like i'm just not ment to be a lucky person. I mean, this all started without me knowing it and most of the bad things that were done to me were done without my control. What if it happens all over agian? I don't know what I'd do diary, I just don't know. I feel that it would be the end of me for sure.


October 3

Fawn's having another party tonight and I'm a little nervous. I know that nothing happened last time that should make me suspicious, but it feels like the whole world is just holding on and waiting for me to mess up. I'm wondering if I should stay home, but Mother and Daddy are so proud of me having normal, straight friends again that I don't want to let them down. Besides, all the kids are fun and straight and don't need all that other mind trip mess to help them have fun. I'll go and be okay keep trying to feel normal.

Later

Fawn asked me to stop by her house this afternoon before the party. I figured she wanted me to help her set up and maybe help with the cooking, but it turns out that she wanted to ask me questions about my past and what drugs I've tried and where I got them. At first I thought she was asking me as some sort of test, to make sure that I wasn't still in with the dopers, but then it started to sound like she wanted to find out for herself what that scene is all about. Why oh why diary do all my friends try to pull me back down? I thought that for sure this group was really, truly straight and wouldn't ever get involved in any of this mess. I guess it's like the adults say, that it's a sickness all the kids are catching. She explained that she doesn't ever want to be a doper, but that she and some of the others want to try it so that they can understand and maybe help other kids. It sounds okay, and they are a pretty straight group of kids, so I don't know. What, oh what, am I to do?

October 4

Well diary, as usual I didn't have anything to worry about. Last night at Fawn's some of the kids tried some pot, just to see how it works, but they didn't seem to have any problems with it like I did. I smoked a little with them too and got that same great feeling. Maybe with this group it will be okay. They seem to be able to handle the world and it's problems much better than the dopers who just want to get high, high, high and forget it all. But Fawn and the kids just wanted to experiment a little so they don't go through life not knowing. That sounds pretty okay to me, because after all, I'm supposed to get educated about the world. How could I ever tell my kids not to do heavy drugs and live that life if I had never tried it myself? So we decided only to do it together, and that someone would always do just a little so that they could be responsible. I really feel like I'm growing up and that this time, with the help of these marvelous friends, I wont make the same mistakes that I did in the past. You're getting pretty full diary. Maybe this is the time to say goodbye, old friend. I've really found a group that understands me and truly understands life. Thank you for helping me get to this point.